It's a shame that I don't know his last name. Actually, it's an ever bigger shame that I don't know his first name
she kept checking the clock when she was giving me head and at midnight she said she had to stop because she cant eat meat on fridays is that bitch serious
homeboy just tried to sext with me at 8:30 in the morning while I was on a job interview...
so you did it...
obv...but still...it was inconsiderate.
I feel if a girl leaves my house the next morning feeling degraded and in desparate need of a shower, then I have succeeded.
thanks for celebrating my birthday so severely 2 years ago. i just found your hospital discharge papers in my closet.
anything for my little brother.
Would you feed me pudding while my fake tan dries?
Currently studying Econ, while waiting outside current booty call's residence for him to return from the strip club. This is your fault.
I think you are the only one slutty enough and evil enough for the job. Just go in and blue ball him. He broke my nose in Middle school. He deserves this.
I'm sorry if you weren't drunk enough to be peer pressured into the naked dancing/group make out that transpired last night
Wanna have a sleepover and take me to court in the morning?
It's a beautiful day to be high as fuck
It looked like Halloween in bed... BECAUSE HE BIT MY PUSSY AND I BLED ALL OVER THE FUCKING PLACE. THEN HE FELL AND BROKE HIS TOE. AND THEN PASSED OUT WHEN HE SAW ALL OF THE BLOOD.
I left him naked in his bed. I did cover his junk with a blanket in case his roommate walked in later though. so I don't feel as bad about it.
im going to smoke a cigarette and reflect on my life choices
Hey I had a great night last night but I don't want to lie to you I'm only 19 and that wasn't my place its was my cousin he's gone for the summer and I was just house sitting and watching his cat I'm sorry
Randomize
