The bar is filled with bros right now. Sucks I had to pay $5 to find that out.
is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
I'm having one of those days where I just want to lay in bed and beat off all day
you did pass out in the elevator last night, so it could be motion sickness
It's only 4 pm and I'm already way past my preferred quota of "could have died" moments
she was like the girl next door.. if you lived next door to a whorehouse
I keep hearing lesbian porn and I'm the only one home. I don't think this is healthy
You would be too ashamed to ever love me again if you saw the filth I just created. It brings unspeakable dishonor to the nacho dynasty. Like I raped the king's daughter, cut off her hands and made him eat them that's how hard I fucked up nachos.
My goal for the night is to see your housemate's one lonely teste.
You lifted he top layer off his birthday cake and made it say 'eat me' in the cookie monster voice so yeah he knew.
i made this one couple from ohio so uncomfortable that they left....and that was WHEN I HAD PANTS ON
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
I sang Seal's Kiss From a Rose to my quesadilla
I peed outside 4 times after the bar, safe to say I had great night
Can I just swipe right on his dad?
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