I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
He has 250 profile pictures. Of course he was a douchebag
I mean. If you don't have time I understand, but my dick doesn't.
I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
When she e-mailed me back asking for proof, complete with hospital intake records, I just told her it was a home-birth. I'm prepared to take the fail.
You may have noticed the broken smoke detector and melted carpet. We may have accidentally lit a ping pong ball on fire...I'm sorry, but we did our best.
It was weird. Like "Mom, Dad, here's a guy who knows my orgasm face".
You should be proud. How many people can say they GAVE a stripper an std?
I love it. Like, more than my penis at the moment.
The feeling I get when I hear beer bottles clinking must be what children feel when they hear sleigh bells on Christmas Eve
As a gentleman, I asked her if she was sure and she just whispered "wreck me" in my ear. I took that as a green light.
No like you've drunkenly persistently tried to take your shirt off in the middle of a park filled with children. You had already thrown your bra at my crotch.
Omg I literally just wanna sleep with you right now. Like actual sleep. Not sex. Well maybe. But sleep first
I appreciate having someone to objectively critique my dick pics.
I can't give advice right now, I have a yeast infection.
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