i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
stop calling my apartment porn island.
I don't even know why I got my vag waxed
Ugh, tell me about it. As each day passes and the hair grows more, I get a little more depressed.
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
You convinced us both to take shots of jack Daniels through our eyes.
I. Put. Them. Back. We are NOT making a habit of jail visits.
I made $80 at the club last night by telling him he was like a wild pony and I just wanted to tame him
no, but he did start crying. who the fuck is 30, covered in tattoos and crys about an ex? get your shit together, man.
I only remember singing the Captain Planet theme song on our way to the bars.
I just had to remind myself that I'm visible in real life. Sitting in the car in a parking lot, and almost took my shirt off because the tag is itchy and I wanted it off... and you know I don't wear bras...
Will u lay on an air mattress with me and drink vodka while we listen to Rick James?
So you're saying that I ended up challenging a dude to Uno then proceed to punch them in the face?
I think I just scared the sex out of my booty call. He saw me at the grocery store using one of those "future mother" parking spots right next to the handicap ones. He just made eye contact and drove off. I regret my laziness.
You have such a talent for this
Friendship, or finding weed?
Yes
Randomize
