if he's not good at sex i should be allowed to have sex with someone who is. that's a totally legit statement i think
That was definitely a porn plot just waiting to develop...
explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
Watching Blossom reruns on YouTube. Eating Pringles dipped in hot chocolate. Not taking this breakup well.
At home depot. Final room inspection is tmrow, gotta paint over the puke stains
I'm going to need your assistance. I cannot walk back to the house in a bear costume.
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
Realistically anyone can come I don't care it's Boston what do I own boston? No. I just don't want people who are gonna give me "why are you doing that" kinda look when I take birthday shots out of my birthday babe shot glass necklace.
Is it true if I say your name three times, you'll appear and whore everything up?
Dedication to a hook up: I had to recruit five people at the train station to help me buy a ticket from a kiosk and get on the right train in 15 minutes because I discovered that my car was stolen.
Imagine cans of beer raining. Like not hitting you and hurting you. Just gently falling into your hand whenever you're sad
She says the reason I don't talk to her is because I'm "emotionally lazy" what ever that means
This is not a drill. I need a cape. And a tuxedo. Simultaneously. Repeat. NOT. A. DRILL....
Should I be worried if two ants just crawled out of my purse?
Yes!
He told me he would make me come so hard I would throw up. I'm actually horrified that he thinks that's something any person would want
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