did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
I've already planned a drinking game for mtvs jersey shore....jagerbomb everytime they do
We got the idea to smoke under his bed because, and I quote, "it'd be just like going camping"
I've never felt so inclined to grow a dick. THIS is what the gays in this town have done to me
He probably has his cowboy hat on, that's his house hat.
Nothing like grinding all night with a hot ethnic guy dressed as a clown to help conquer your phobia. Halloween is fucked up.
Are you up yet? I really want to know if i tried sleeping in a field... i have the vaguest memory of trying to
At the start of the night I was all 'come at me universe' and three hours later I was ordering an extra large pizza in bed in the dress I had gone out in. Well played universe.
Dying on my bathroom floor at 7 am, I would rather be eaten by a shark right now
What I'm saying is DOWNGRADE. Like, do you see the caps lock?
Apparently "Do you want me to ruin your day now or later?" is not a good way to tell someone you're pregnant and it's theirs.
I was about to google "rabies and sexual activity." Then I realized I was at work.
I still have a little drunk in my system
Let's get drunk and take out your tonsils tonight
My breath smells like gin and sadness
Randomize
