im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
I get free beer too. Its called a vagina and its accepted everywhere like visa
Oh please. You given/recieved a handjob out in public. I think that shy ship has sailed.
I love how you are more concerned with what i call my penis than the fact i wanna bone some high school chicks
For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears.
I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
Babe when I told you that you needed to grow up I didn't mean get drunk and sponsor 8 African kids.
I always ask when they're due. It's the nicest way for me to let her know the rest of the world can tell she's putting on weight too
I told him to pick up the beer can he threw in front of the police station. So he gets out chugs whatever's left and throws it back and says ok let's go.
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
He won a jackpot and invited his ex girlfriend over to have sex on 5grand
I keep finding Kraft singles in his pockets. Honestly, this is the weirdest family I've ever worked for.
I knew it was Christmas when someone handed me a stocking filled with airplane bottles. Ps just woke up 3 days later
That girl is like a master class on how to be an unlovable crazy person.
I don't know if I'm having early flu symptoms, a miscarriage, or am badly hungover. Web md agrees.
Randomize
