Do you still have your period?
How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
If I pass out leave the food near me so i can wake up to it
she just stood in the kitchen yelling "REAL WOMEN HAVE CURVES"
doing shots has become such a natural thing to me that i just instinctively swallowed listerine
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
I feel like everything I touch in this bar I'm gonna get hepatitis. my kinda joint
Ya bro it was wild. Hey, is latex digestible?
He just turned 21, it's very obvious the end of their relationship is near. Now we play the waiting game.
She is larger then a hippo. You could cut her open in the middle of a blizzard and crawl in like Luke skywalker. Throw a couch and a tv in there and you're set
I packed spaghetti and rum. But panties? Nah
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
So maybe I got drunk and hooked up with him in a hot tub? I mean that's nothing to be ashamed of, that kind of takes talent. I'd drown.
Lol he touched my butt after his grad party and a shooting star went by. No kidding. My ass is mystical.
Swiping left on your brother's Tinder account is possibly the worst way to learn he broke up with his girlfriend.
Randomize
