My secretary told me she wishes she can have an affair with someone in the office (she's separated from her cheating husband)...Umm...Okaaay
So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."
you dont seem to understand my overwhelming need to watch space jam right now
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
Dude..masurbate with cocoa butter lotion..its like cocoa pebbles just gave me a hand job
i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
We should probably avoid doing this again, but hey it was a nice one time thing to tell the grandkids about... Hopefully they don't end up being YOUR grandkids.
don't worry about it. We passed around the "get jeff bail" can 10 min. After you left. We currently have around $400. May I say that people here at the dorms really love you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm in a pile of cheezits at an unfamiliar location watching dateline on tlc. Stage an intervention.
Come over. We're getting stoned and watching DogTV
You didn't try to help me when I fell on the dance floor. She brought me cupcakes. You're a shitty friend, suck your own dick.
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
I need to thank someone for this kid's penis.
She said she hasn't cheated on me in 7 and a half days and she'd like praise for that.
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