im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
i can't put facebook on my resume under hobbies.
like i told you yesterday: virgins, blood, my name. do it.
You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
Pre-order weed for 4/20 and i'll give you a discount.
I know I said I was done dating 22 year olds but it's not my fault all the guys my age gave up on life and got fat
And by that I mean I told her the plot of the first batman movie as my life and it took her like 20 minutes to figure it out
When were having sex he was mumbling some guys name. If he wasn't as hot as he is I'd be concerned.
This is my first time seeing you since your lesbian experience. SO EXCITED!
Gregs sitting in the living room in his underwear hitting the bong watching a rob schneider movie. His lack of fuck giving is inspirational
I am pretty sure I just put SoCo in the bird feeder
He has no idea he's waking up in slut palace tomorrow morning
The guy I slept with in AZ just called and is moving here next week.
Lmao. K I'll be 100% honest. I was over at your place like 12 hours ago with your roommate. If I hadn't of been there then I'd take you up on your booty call offer. So. If you're not creeped out another time please?
Randomize
