i think my mom watched the whole time
I forgot to tell you. I'm at a porno shoot today.
that's the nicest way anyone's ever asked me to send them naked pics before...
Now there's vomit covered trash all over the front lawn. I feel accomplished
Sonogram pictures belong on a fucking fridge...NOT FACEBOOK!!
Guess which guy you've blown just made me sandwich at subway?
We convinced him to snort an altoid. We should not be allowed to drink together
Ya well here is the deal with last night, it was the Biggest shit show we have ever co-stared in.
She said she'll drive over, bang, and then head home. It's like ordering a pizza.
After the 3rd shot, she was running around singing, "Twinkle Twinkle Big Ol' Dick, on your happy place I'll sit" to your brother.
Put that bitch's torch out. She's been voted off.
I'd probably lick every tooth in Carly Rae Jepson's fucking mouth.
Teen Choice Awards are on if your wondering.
You ever just SEE a guy and know he's good at choking someone out?
It's 3 am.
A guy who takes a plate of chicken tenders away from us is not to be trusted or slept with
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
well...I was at work...until someone dropped dead during their performance of "I believe I can fly". It was karaoke night.
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