pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
Dating is not our generation's strong point. We're an era that's good at getting laid.
I just remembered Dan asking me all polite in the middle of sex "do you mind if I get behind you?" that was the most polite way I've been asked to do it doggy style
There is something about drinking on a golf course and getting with younger women that just really makes me feel at home.
New drinking game watching teenage mutant ninja turtles movie and drinking every time raphael says damn, someone says april or ms oneil, and shredder appears And every time we see a mustache
his fiance had made him a calendar of pictures of her. he asked if he should take it down and i said no. i wanted her to watch.
Vodka @ 9pm. Library. Nothing can go wrong, I promise.
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
Weekend has begun hello red wine at 10am on a Wednesday
when you agree to fuck a guy it does by NO means make it okay for his roommate to hide in the closet with doritos and watch
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
I found him passed out against a dryer in the girls washroom, in front of an old woman was trying to figure out how to dry her hands.
I ate shrooms on a frozen river in an ice fishing shack after a day of vics and beer and walked around on the river in a stupor. They made me bite the head off of a fish.
BUT DID YOU RIDE THAT DICK INTO THE SUNSET THO?
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
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