Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
gin and tonic in a mug. no limes so im using canned madarin oragnes. classy or trashy?
so after he got his stomach pumped, he asked for a smoking room.
I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
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i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
You made a list of reasons why you should be on fear factor. You came up with 2 reasons: "I like fear" and "I am fear"
She kept saying 'I love you' but i couldn't tell if she was talking to me or to her beer.
So yeah you need to stop having near death experiences at McDonalds.
I'm getting to the point of going up to a guy and saying "Hi I'm maggie and i can put my foot behind my head"... That desperate.
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I'm going to tattoo a maze on my back for the next fucker that tries to blow early ....
You're right. Single life welcomed me back with open arms. It's like it knew it wasnt going to be long when I left.
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
I think i'm going to homewreck at this Disney on Ice show.
Where's Taylor bro?
Never mind found him under the sink
So, just saw a lady hysterically sobbing in a Walmart at 3 AM. Someone's not having a happy mother's day.