You know that restaurant that is like over by home depot?
That shitty one? I heard the food sucks there
It's my parent's restaurant
what i wouldnt give for a night at orourkes without seeing 3+people ive slept with
dream priorities were more important than voting today. don't tell me you wouldn't keep going back to sleep to find out who would win a fight between oprah and godzilla
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
No I can't cure herpes. I'm an EMT, not Jesus.
How many of my tattoos need to be visible for an outfit to be considered "see-through"?
did you know the cops in wilco have clean up kits in their cars for when people puke in them? i found this out this morning. i'm finishing paperwork now. come get me plz?
i told him I'd let him eat part of a weed cookie out of my cleavage, so he pulled over like a gentleman.
We started off talking about nice cuddling and you turned it into fucking with a Santa hat on...
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
Getting drunk in an Applebee's pray for me
Lord god protect this child
What's the point of bringing a Jack and Coke to work if my boss is just gonna piss and moan about me day drinking again?
After an hour of searching for my pants, we had three people looking. They were finally found in the oven.
Is it totally terrible that I just signed up for classes and already found the guy I'm going to bang??
When a guy asks for your ig but you already know his blood type, social security number, & mother's maiden name.
I'm disgusted with myself. Who goes down on their Uber driver? This asshole