the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
quadriplegic porn is always funny
no. no its not
tiger just fucked it up for all of us...she grabbed my phone this morning and started asking questions.
Ya know, years from now when that kid is old enough, I'll get to regale him with the story of how I was his father's AND uncle's first gay experience.
Dating After Heartbreak
All you kept saying was "my dick ALWAYS causes problems".
He upper decked the toilet, got himself lit on fire 6 times and lit 4 other people on fire in the course of 3 days.
I think you have the right to know, the water bottle you drank out of the other night is the bottle we use to catch what drips from the toilet. Love you!
Do you know how I hurt my ankle or my shoulder? Or the origin of any of the following mystery bruises: left quad, left wrist, right elbow. Thanks for playing.
I CRIED after phone sex. Am I gay?
These Images Prove Chrissy Teigen is the Funniest Model Alive
Does taking an old homeless guy to the strip club, buying him lap dances, and calling him pops all night count as a good deed???
Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry
I want the address of the individual responsible for strawbeeritas. I want to send them gift basket.
When dressing for a 3way, how do I convey to the other chick I care enough to look pretty but not so much that it's a huge deal?
Are you vicariously golddigging through me?!
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.