atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
just looked up how to break up with someone nicely on google. glad to know im not the only one who looks up this shit.
Remember the girl passed out in front of my fireplace?
I'll call you tomorrow. I'm ok and back i love you goodnight.
I stole a bike. Here's a pic
When you get a chance, you should call Nick. He REEAAAALLLLLY wants to hear you make chewbacca noises.
Ok so you know that's gonna be legally viewed as kidnapping, right?
I drew a giraffe.. But she did say that bumped that test up from a 39 to a 40. It's the little things.
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
he's dressing as a chick for halloween. of course i'm gonna make him get his legs professionally waxed. how is this even a question?
One day i'll wow you with artfully trimmed pubes.
I told her my hands felt like they touched the sun, never been that stoned before
I forgot that I'm high because of how high I am.
I think I achieved my goal of being high for 24 hours in the same week I promised myself I wouldn't smoke anymore
How was your weekend?
My girlfriend decided the best way to get my mind off of my dog dying was to break up with me via text
On the good side I got hit on by a cute college guy. But the bad side was having sex in a frat house for first time in 9 years
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