My unemployment check should really just be direct-deposited into the checking account of my drug dealer
don't worry about the poodle she's always like that. she's like 14 years old and ate a bag of weed when she was a puppy.
He was sitting on the bathroom floor, swirling his finger in the toilet singing the Laguna Beach theme song. I don't know whether to laugh or help him.
So, do you ever feel like EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOUR FRIENDS IS INVOLVED IN A MASSIVE AND INTRICATE CONSPIRACY TO COCKBLOCK YOU AT ALL COSTS?
How is it I was the last to know everyone calls me tig ole bitties? Did y'all have a meeting about this that I wasn't invited to?
You can't call dibs 8 years later.
I once puked on the side of the hwy driving home and it somehow made me feel more Canadian. So don't rule it out
I wonder when walk of shame thursdays in the rain will finally make me stop drinking.
Fate is real! that hot chick, Megan just showed up dressed as jasmine and I'm dressed as Aladdin this is going to be cake
He put a canoe in the lazy river at the water and started paddling away from security
the cashier at the gas station pulled a twig out of my hair and told me I should probably wash it before work....it was kinda sweet.
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
Based on my calculations, I should be blackout by approximately 11:14pm and that's when I need you to take my phone away from me. Mkay?
the D I S R E S P E C T of sending someone nudes, them opening it, and not bothering to respond
Yeah, sometimes it takes a while to realize, wow you kind of suck and not in the fun way
Randomize
