My underwear smells like fireworks.
why is pumping your own stomach in your searches on youtube?
He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
i think that dennys waitress has my boxers
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
Dude, I fucked her last night with nothing but my bandana on. Like straight Indian chief style.
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
This guy in a neck brace is ordering bottle service at the strip club. Not sure whether to applaud his commitment or scorn his addiction. It's a draw.
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
I'm pricing out a roll of that wax butcher paper. We fuck too messy and I can't afford to wash them every afternoon.
He got hotter. I'm offended on behalf of the rest of our graduating year.
The moment buddy the elf found out he was human is exactly like the moment I realized I was gay
He ate me out while I finished season 1 of Stranger Things. If that's not a modern day relationship goal, then I don't know what is.
Why does everyone always assume I'm fucking their boyfriends?
You are fucking her boyfriend.
I know its 2 in the morning and everything. But i just straight up yelled "DON'T YOU UNDERSTAND THIS WORLD IS DIFFICULT ENOUGH AS IT IS WITHOUT YOU PULLING THIS BULLSHIT ON ME" to my taco. Because it fell apart on me. I think i might be cracking under this finals pressure.
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