Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
I thought he was joking about bailing you out until I saw the picture of you and the sheep in the morning paper. Were those my boots you had on it
i saw like six of her guido cousins in the jersey shore trailer alone. her family is having a dinner party for the premiere tonight.
It honestly took me longer to beat Ninja Turtles: Turtles in Time, than it did to have sex with her the first time we met.
She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
the world took limewire and four lokos away from me in one week....hello depression
My phone really needs to stop auto correcting "library" to "ovary".
so the good news is that i can't possibly burn my eyelashes off tonight at the bbq.
You are not about to raise that baby deer, you can BARELY raise yourself... Return it to it's mom now.
Good morning! Just thought I'd give you my yearly reminder that we lost our virginities 7 years ago, yesterday.
That's the best creepy text ever.
We can do this. We've been drunk at a gay bar, we will not be taken down by a Tuesday.
I think the lady at jack in the box started crying when we put in our order.
I have a story for you. It involves waffles and getting naked with the local weatherman.
i feel like a cleansing fire is the only way to purify the house
Who am I kidding? With my track record, I'm going to end up sleeping at the strip club with just nipple tassels on.
Randomize
