dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
i love that we sang a whole new world together while you carried me through campus
I mean, we started to hook up but my asthma attack kind of killed the mood
Apparently, we were running around the apartment, singing into pickles, the routinely slapped our passed out friends with them.
we've had our differences but let's set them aside, go home and fuck
I've fucked 6 of my brothers' friends. I'm completely fine with him fucking the girl we ate lunch with.
I have major gossip for you.
Oh no, did you have sex last night?
If I had sex last night I'd probably post it on facebook. It's been that long and I'd be that excited.
It's gotten to the point that when I close my eyes to cum all I see is candy crush
Nope. Too much basics going on right now. I'm tying you both up and throwing you to the vibrating sexy toy sharks. You shall either sink or get off gloriously.
My life hurts
I woke up 30 minutes away from the bar, my car was at a train station, and when I got home all I got was the speechless head shake
Halfway through missionary I realized I was partially laying on his sleeping dog and idk that just kinda ruined it for me sooo
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.
Guy just walked into the bathroom with only socks on and took a 5second shit. It is taking me longer to type this than for him to shit, wash hands, and leave the bathroom. WTF? Still wondering why he only had socks on.
and that's when you shouted "ahh motherland" as you streaked down hall 4B
Well, I ruined his toilet and he's still completely okay with me. Plus, it took him like a week to tell me.
If a girl I didn't love ruined my toilet I don't think I'd stick around.
Randomize
