I want to jerk off but my dog won't leave me alone. It's the most depressing cock block ever.
i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
Went to use to bathroom and walked in on karaoke. Two girls singing "a whole new world" to each other in the shower. I'm gonna miss this place in the summer
I am not one to point fingers but since it says your name "wuz here" next to the dick drawn on my stomach I am holding you personally responsible.
He came in my eye, I lost my earring and all of his friends saw me topless. Happy New Year to you as well.
Were at her birthday dinner and her dad keeps buying me shots saying when I was your age I fucked the shit outta girls
Hahahahahaha remind him your dating his daughter
I just had to dig under a pile of condoms in my desk drawer to get to a blue book. Summer is officially over.
Uh yeah. I ate a brick of cheese. Didn't even cut it. We were admiring the teeth marks I was leaving. We decided it was the negative of my mouth
I woke up this morning in the house, I didn't realize it was physically possible to duct tape a person to the wall...
thats why a responsible adult always keeps some facial hair just in case they need to shave a hulk hogan mustache for midget wrestling...
She rode my dick so hard I momentarily lost hearing. I guarantee I had the better St Patrick's.
Amazon is not showing any promising results for penis tree toppers and I am genuinely surprised. Clearly this is a market that needs to be addressed.
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing
Far be it from me to tell you where you store your dildos but from an interior decorating standpoint not fucking there
Idk what's happening right now but im wearing a tutu and pissed as fuck.
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