i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
You gave him head? He fingered you? A little bit of make out?
WHAT THE FUCK ITS LIKE YOU WERE THERE
my little brother got his license today.. too early to ask him to DD?
I'm afraid my bank account can't handle syllabus week.
I REALLY appreciate you guys taking care of me when im wasted but i think its weird when i wake up in different clothes than black out in
sick fucks of a feather flock together
Can't talk right now. I'm doing tequila shots with my professor at some Mexican bar. That's how I prepare for finals.
Well my sober pact lasted almost an hour. Then I did four shots. But in other news, one of those shots I took with a midget. So like I couldn't turn that shit down.
Well I'm going to hell. But I'm going after multiple orgasms.
Yeah I mean I think I need to stop living off of snacks and alcohol
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
WHO GIVES HANDJOBS AT 8 IN THE FUCKING MORNING
As a member of the kink community, I feel grossly misrepresented
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
High school drama coach is wasted and wanted me to tell you that I’m good at flip cup and you should be very proud of me
Where the hell are you
Randomize
