he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
the elusive kegmastree, who's mystery is only exceeded by it's power
she made me take her to the grocery store to buy a gallon of sweet tea and a shit ton of band aids, the cashier asked if someone was hurt and she replied "not yet.."
Is it possible to get a DUI in a wheelchair that's not yours?
Although, I did get to see a Raiders fan and his toothless girlfriend get roughed up by the police and dragged out of the stadium. So the night wasn't a total loss.
We aren't really supposed to respect our bodies til our mid twenties.
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
Btw... when someone is licking your balls, "yeah... that's not the worst thing in the world" is not an appropriate compliment/thank you.
Woke up naked on a bed full of money, doughnuts, and keys that weren't mine. Unsent dick pick on phone, and cheap cigar butt on my pillow. Also...I maybe hotwired my car.
He told me to be careful with the shrooms because he mostly had caps left. He sounded apologetic but that's the best news all week.
So I got drunk last night and attempted to shave a landing strip on my vag. I now have a 8 lane highway on my crotch now. Just looks like a random ass square.
We cuddled after till the morning. Then he woke up sober... and straight.
please let it be arousing that I used numbers to figure out how well I'd give you head
kick those bitches in the teeth and tell them mama came to party
It’s the universal cock block of this decade
FUCK THE COCKBLOCK 19
Randomize
