You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
We pay for beer, you give birth. It's how the world works.
Hungover snowboarding. Puked off the lift and traumatized a group lesson for kids. Crash course on adulthood.
Excellent idea. Nothing says "congrats for resurrecting yourself, Jesus" like Greygoose at noon!
We went to Denny's and he threatened to fight an entire high school track team by himself
Sorry about all of the penis things that happened last night.
Oh, and apparently I was butt ass naked and walked into the room where anna was skyping her dude in afghanistan and said "This is happening."
I just got stoned alone and repierced my nose. don't ever tell me I'm unaccomplished
I just got stoned by myself and am eating cookies so I'm right there with you
40s are totally the cure
Hey I was just wondering if you could go look for my teeth?
Positive reinforcement! I'm training him for being a good boy and coming over. He gets sex and cookies.
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
I'm bleeding and intoxicated as I'm walking to my final right now. Wish me luck
I CAN'T FALL IN LOVE WITH SOMEONE WHO HAS A LISP. I JUST CAN'T.
Randomize
