I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
The girl sitting next to me in class is writing her to-do list under the title 11/31.
he's got a countert top full of yard sale blenders so id say maragita wednesdays is a go.
still using moms red Christmas cookie plate she sent to cut lines on. not sure I can return with a clear conscious
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
I consented to having my finger branded. How was your night?
I can dry shave vagina like a champ
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
Maybe I'll make your dreams come true and pee on you tomorrow.
He gave me the award for most entertaining blow job. That should count for something.
I feel bad cuz I was his ride home, but I didn't know I was going to have a religious experience with a guy in a cookie monster t-shirt. You can't plan for that shit.
That awkward moment when you're drunk enough to crave cocaine, but you're sober enough to know it's only Tuesday.
Oh my god.. Saw a commercial for Captain Morgan. Made me gag a little bit.
Let's just grow old together and be the crazy ladies that sit on the park bench, drinking booze from flasks and loudly talk about people who walk by.
Randomize
