Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
bio was interesting today. swabbed my mouth to see what the cells where, ha. found a sperm cell. he was just that awesome
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
She narrowed it down to 7 guys that could have gotten her pregnant.
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She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
Homegirl just dropped a candle on the floor major party foul. Thought it make you feel better.
I take your giggles as a yes to operation McLaxitives?
Don't come. It's not even a party it's a total sausage fest. Like 20 drunk dudes in a bedroom. We can still drink by ourselves though it'll be ok
There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
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I walked in, the bartender looked at me, grabbed 3 shot glasses and a pounder. Lined them up on the bar then made a line with salt on the other side of them and said I wasn't allowed to cross it.
It was incredible. For as long as I live, I will gladly drop whatever I'm doing and spend a night with her face between my legs ANY time she asks.
I am decidedly straight, but I'll write it into my wedding vows if I have to.
Yeah but then I feel like it's worth it like bro you just stabbed me the least you can do is get me a fuckin otter pop.
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
as I was leaving in the morning with his clothes on his roommate pops up and goes 'don't you dare steal that shirt, i gave it to him for his birthday'.
The FEDEX guy just cock blocked me by getting his van stuck in my driveway
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