Note to self. Never fart in a tanning bed
You rolled out of the car, got on all fours and puked then just nonchalantly stood up and waved goodbye and thanks for the ride.
Because you know it would be fucking amazing to get trashed and shatter the dreams of 12 year old girls. I might get a shirt.
I dont know how to say this. But the hottest girl where im at has one arm.
Hey, no judgement here...this is the girl that threw up on a box of kittens at the magician's house
Passing out is just my bodies way of protecting my liver.
His response today determines what state my vagina will be in this weekend.
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
I didn't know he had a girlfriend until after we had sex when he said, "Man I really gotta stop cheating on my girlfriend."
you made a mix containing mostly whiskey. then you took a sip, gagged and yelled "perfect!"
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
He showed up on school grounds wearing nothing but a suit of armor. Really at this point I'm more impressed than angry.
I came so hard I literally levitated off the top of his dick. Gravity was no match for that orgasm!
using my tits for other peoples nudes hit me up business in the making
You kept running around yelling "I need my pajamas" & then you got naked. Shit just went downhill from there.
Randomize
