I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
Probably, but last night was a special kind of drunk. It was a "let's see how drunk I can get without killing myself" drunk.
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
Just saw a porn entitled "Nad Biter". Redheads are now forever out of the picture.
oh god was she eating orange peels again
Just beat off to internet porn while talking to my mom on the phone and eating a cinnamon roll. U have 5 minutes to get on my level
All I remember is having a LONG talk with a 23 year old mother with a 5 year old kid at a bar who told me "it's not that bad"
The only pictures I have are of me being stoned or me looking like a man, which do you prefer?
I want your cock.
All we are is dust in the wiiiiiiinnnnnnnnnnd
It's going to be like a slumber party but with ketamine
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
Anyone who can sit 4 hours in a doobie circle with their feet in a kiddie pool is ok by me
we've dated a week and made out twice. he is taking it slow. but his body is stupid sexy. just want him to stop respecting me and fuck me like a gutter slut. respect me later im not getting younger.
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
Randomize
