I wasn't pimping you out... I was helping you network!
and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
She looks like if Peter Griffin was a lesbian.
Run away.
Human Centipede: The Drinking Game. This is non-negotiable. First one to pass out the rest of us get to FEEEEED THEM!
I deem it safe for us to drink together again.
They dropped the charges?
Yeppers. Come drink beers.
My liver and I thought we knew what we signed up for. We were wrong.
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
Wedding party came into the bar an hour ago. Mother of the bride is a stage five clinger. send help.
he told me that he only likes small dogs. I should have known he was going to end up being little bitch.
My boyfriend and my fuck buddy are going to the strip club together... Should I be concerned?
Ate a slug for 39 dollars
I wouldn't expect anything less from a PhD student
You sat down in the middle of the road and started crying. We told you "Get your ass up or we're leaving you here." You replied "They'll findddd meeeeee" and ran after us.
I am cleaning melted cheese out of my hair. This is a new experience for me
i should probably stop doing things just because i think they’re funny. i’m not going to.
Randomize
