Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
Is it socially acceptable to order two burrito bowls?
anything's socially acceptable if you do it with enough confidence
They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
Do you remember puking up your retainer into the toilet and putting it right back in your mouth?
She was pretty drunk. It was like watching a puppy explore the world for the first time.
I'm gonna make a therapist very happy and very wealthy this semester.
You were sitting on the filthy kitchen floor eating a packet of grated cheese, and you were crying because you couldn't find any cheese.. I'd say our party was a success.
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
It'll be a pair of asscheeks that light up when they're summoned.
Wait do you remember that guy last night asking to use my nose ring to open his beer.......
I’m not closing myself off the to the possibility of making a bad life choice.
Yo whoever left a thong on the dining room table, first of all get help second of all please remove it now
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
How many gummy vitamins can I eat before I die
Randomize
