i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
he's my edward cullen
I am pretty sure Edward Cullen never had an all-day drinking binge topped off with some blow.
Karaoke makes my soul die one wretched song at a time
Well, I'm a guy so I don't have one, but if its anything like the inside of my nose, yes, vodka would burn.
Ive been tazing him too get him immuned. He will be unstopable.
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
I would call you but I don't feel like these hands belong to me.
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
My desperation for dick was off put by his anime figure collection.
I should not be able to sum up my life with a taco brand motto...
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
No I don't. You owe me sex and cinnamon rolls.
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
A guy in a chewbacca suit just came up to me and asked me to buy him weed.
Randomize
