Are you for fucking real.? He divorced me just because he got a fucking girlfriend.?!
He literally is quoting that 21 questions song, the 50 cent one. oh my god.
Oh just living the dream. And by living the dream I mean drinking franzia out of a martini glass and watching family matters. Also, drinking every time Carl Winslow has a mustache and Eddie wears MC Hammer pants
Company party. Just told vp "you look like a cat person"
My head feels like a nest made of hair and cum
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
Whenever we go out my brain flips on autopilot, straight to blackout.
My gut is currently telling me that Jesus did not intend for us to eat shrimp pad thai on Easter
Is this a considering it or regretting it text?
I just shit out what feels like an entire shrimp with claws and all. You tell me.
When that wave blew your top off I heard someone yell "SPANK BANK"
As a former fat girl, that's probably the best compliment I've ever received ever!
I woke up to a shattered My Little Pony garbage pail, a black eye I don't know how I got and no one will look me in the face. Fuck tequila.
I made him fuck me with my coat zipped up and a unicorn mask on. That level of drunk sex. Weird and creepy yet highly satisfying.
Are you going to eat tacos off the floor again?
Lots of tissues. Maybe pizza. Only time will tell. The stages of political grief.
He held my hair while I gave him a blow job. Now that's teamwork.
I no longer have the means to support both a women and an alcohol addiction
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