"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
Tonight i am praying for god to turn my pussy into apple pie because i cant count the number of times bruce chooses food over sex.
She's "scared" of blowjobs, so she just played with it for a while.
If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet
im destined to be single forever. i hope its okay if your kids come and hang out with my cats.
rolling absolute tits, turn on the red lights for when i get home.
this st patricks day sucks
ill send jameson via bank tube 150+ miles
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
You cried for a while then lifted lots of weights then cady's ex put glitter on your tits and then you took a nap. I got you pizza and brought you home. Nothing too exciting.
I volunteer to be the person who breaks into the room and runs around naked and has to be escorted out by police.
I made a powerpoint to trip to.
you are so studious.
Someone wrote "LazerSwords" on my cock last night. My erect cock. Tequila is no one's friend.
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
there's no judgement here...i was recently just fingered in my dorm hallway while having a conversation with 5 people.
Randomize
