i miss you so much
i miss you too
oops, did i send that to you? i meant to send it to the money you owe me
Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
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I told him "thank you for wearing a turtleneck yesterday, I no longer have a strong erg to have sex with you. " He is no longer speaking to me.
The walk home from the bar is FAR more shameful in daylight.
Besides the flaccid incident, it was decent. Average sized. So this is my life now. Loneliness and lackluster sex.
I just want dates and sex but the option to have that with whoever whenever I want
I need an inhaler full of pot for all of this breathless rage.
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I seriously feel like I just crawled out from under a shit covered rock. I'm NEVER drinking like that again...well, not for alteast a solid 3 hours.
I'm reading 50 shades of grey and masturbating while he's doing insulation downstairs. Maybe I can get him to bring me a sandwich
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
I didn't know it was possible and I don't know if I'll ever be able to do it again on my own but he literally fuck me sideways.
Best single mom victory - getting eaten out in my dodge caravan in the hospital parkade at midnight.Three words: screaming multiple orgasms.
You’re better off without him. Actually, he’s better off without you and that’s what really matters
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