I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
Throw up on the ground, people dancing to loud Bollywood music, seats literally missing. Fuck I hate public transit
"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Can you send me the video of that girl that got arrested last night? I'm gonna try and hit that and I need something to break the ice with.
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
Maybe I'm a robot.
You can't be that drunk already
I'll just be sleeping in this laundry room. Come get me at bar close.
Idk how much more i could have responded my dick was basically trying to unzip the zipper and hop out
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So this tall girl jumped in our cab and I was like hey I have pics of u on my phone. It wasn't creepy at all
I'm sitting in the breakroom facing a very large sign that says "inappropriate workplace behaviors", and i can't help but feel like it is directed at me
Just took acid. Wish me luck.
I worked out twice today and you're dropping acid. My life sucks.
Found a trail of Taco Bell hot sauce packets through the garage to our back door and cheese in my bra. I'll say it was a successful Sunday Funday.
I don't see why I have to pay for it.
your head went through the window, you're pretty much obligated to pay for it.
I'd rather plunge my eyes out than acknowledge being related to either of my brothers
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