I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
it was like having sex with a tree stump
He's hinting that I'm starting to be kicked out of their blunt rides, I can feel it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
Just so were clear I meant the head your face is on
Drunk in burger king. Having it our way. Free fries. M&m sundaes.
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
google maps should a have a setting for this. like I AM ABANDONING EVERYTHING TO MEET A GIRL WHO IS 10 HOURS OF MILES AWAY. HOW DO WE DO THIS OPTIMALLY?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
Be proud. All I did last night was roll around in my nun costume selling drugs. I love Halloween.
Almost threw up on my grandmother as she walked in the house. Had to run to the bathroom and vomit my brains out. Prolly getting taken out of the Will now.
this could be the second dad I've smoked weed with
That all sounds beautiful. All I have to offer is my shining personality, extensive amounts of space knowledge, and I hear I am pretty not sucky at sucking dick
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
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