Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
even iPhones love lady gaga. everytime I type haha it trys to correct it to gaga. this is bullshit...
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
Just got Netflix. Dexter Marathon. Still in my PJ's. Only eaten cookie dough and drinking a 40. I have never reeked so strongly of lonely .
The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
You were high and telling me you felt like Pinocchio and that fire was bad for wood.
WHY IS EVERY MAN IN THIS CITY GAY? IS IT SO BAD TO WANT TO BE TREATED LIKE A PIECE OF SHIT BY A REALLY HOT STRAIGHT MAN FOR A NIGHT?
The only reason I can fathom that you've been able to continue to date new people this long is that women continue to become of age each year, and the younger ones don't know any better.
Note to self. The tub labelled "not water" does not contain water.
I went shopping for a dress that was baptism and bar appropriate.
She deliberately backed into the homewrecker's whoremobile and yelled ""FOR SPARTA!"
The candles are lit, the magic circle is drawn, now all we need to do is get naked and see how many orgasms we can manage.
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
Randomize
