just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
i really did not know you could catch crabs from a sofa until now
The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
The stripper was waving you to the stage, not up on the stage. That's why you got choked out.
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Its been 4 years since I have masturbated this hard. God bless the Olympics!
But the guy you're fucking should not be within ten pounds of your weight when you're five fucking feet tall and he's 6'2". That's all I'm saying.
Man...I want to get monumentally fucked tonight.
We split an eighth of shrooms and went ice fishing. It didn't get weird until I caught one and we both started crying.
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
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Yeah I just don't know how I feel about my fuck buddy coming to work at my dads office with me.
and than he said 'I did amateur porn for a while' and I just knew tinder did not fail me this time
Drunk wound on my leg hast healed and neither has my dignity
Are we gonna talk about that cunnilingus snap
Get here now. I need a drinking buddy. I don't care if you're in a different timezone, it'll be five o clock here faster.
I didn't want to shower, so I shaved my legs in the pool . That drunk .
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