I'd wear matching sweaters with you
R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
Jesus knows you're telling a lie.
Jesus stopped reading my text messages when I started drunk texting boys to hookup
So he thinks I sent him a picture of my boob last night, but it was really just a close up of my arm.
This is one of those times where I really wish my vagina could tell me what happened last night.
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
Meghan got a job at the bar. We're now morally obligated to drink. Is this what dreams are made of?
just watched a cripple ollie in his wheelchair to get on to the elevated floor in the bar. I. LOVE. WISCONSIN
You don't have anything to lose--we've established that he's not going to murder you and he smells good.
The guy who was The Count on Sesame Street died this week too. Therefore, you should take multiple shots, count them, & go "ahh aaahh aaaahhh" after each one. I expect video...
we're going to the olympic park to run the 100m yeaaaahhh
it's 3am. Nothing could possibly go wrong here.
On a better note: I'm on pace for 730 female produced orgasms in 2013.
So last night was the first of "I got cut off before I walked in the bar".
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
STOP PUTTING BUTTER ON MY FUCKING CAT
Randomize
