so i turned around to do some reverse cowgirl when he said that this was such a better visual for him. Bad compliment or serious insult. i cant tell
I probably shouldn't have followed up that rainbow sherbet with beef jerky. This is a whole new level of fat, even for me.
She woke up with blood running down her face and asked the EMS guy where the keg was
The cab driver told me he hopes I look up to him as a father figure. Then he asked if I wanted him to take me to the hospital
Dude found out there's an open bar at the celebration of life thing for my grandma which is at noon. Now I know why I can drink so much
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
The bartender just legitimately thanked me for breaking the cycle of speed metal by playing mmmbop.
i don't think that has ever happened before in the history of man
Send me one of your boob pics as an example. I mean this in the straightest least lesbian way possible.
I picked up a chick last night on crutches wearing a I am boobman tshirt. I love raves.
So what's going on?
We hit boys town to get stupid. I mean invading Iraq stupid.
She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
Hey I was just wondering if you could go look for my teeth?
Thanks for being my pregnancy scare Sherpa...
Did your grand seduction include learning to play careless whisper on a kazoo or was that just a hobby
They sent him a photo of me smoking a bong whilst wearing the dinosaur head. I think that's the last we hear of his nonsmoking fitness freak ass 🤷🏼♀️
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