the "happy anniversary" cake for my mom and dad is about to turn into the "yeah, that's a hickey, welcome back from italy" cake.
i mean i'm ok with bufu but if i'm gonna do it it needs to be a mutual agreement, and there are steps that need to be taken. you don't just go OOPS we're doing it now
Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
I don't care if he is my ex... I have the deed to his dick until someone else fucks him. We broke up 2 years ago.... I am still holding that deed!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you know you were refereeing rock paper scissors for who got to make out with your sister right?
Do you think Tom Brady went home tonight and changed his facebook status to "pink with lace"?
Thanks for feeding me more tequila shots to prevent me from trying to fight her last night. Horrible logic? Yes, but you are the best friend ever
You were running around with scissors offering people free haircuts.
2 out of 3 people here lost their shoes. America.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
I think she's perpetually drunk
It's all she knows
She proposed we share a dildo. Hopefully she was joking.
I know how vodka works Grace. I'm drunk, not stupid.
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
Just went to jump into bed... Completely missed the bed.
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