Just spent five minutes taking pictures of my hands for some random guy.
Thanks for reminding me why I talk about you behind your back. Get laid.
are you going to last longer than 15 seconds
nope
The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
why does the wii remote smell like your vag?
Fuck men. I'm going to go eat a package of cookie dough and get fat. I hope I die of salmonella.
Also, not pregnant! Way to go uterus! Good job on being a team player!
Umm... How do I tell my roommate someone shot a speargun through the wall? On a side note, cliff shot a speargun for the first time.
When someone comes out of your vagina and stomps on your dreams, you'll understand.
Because she seems like the type to give it up for a box of fruit rollups.
Best ethics paper a stoner could write. I called my professor Dr. Superfly Arandia. And I'm pretty sure I used "respect the hustle" somewhere in there too.
I'd cum everywhere if I could have chicken nuggets right now
Fuck you. Leave my nipples out of this. THEY DID NOTHING TO YOU
I sent him a topless photo and he complimented my eyes. I'm not sure if I'm offended or pleasantly surprised.
Everytime I give him head I make him rub my back. Teamwork at it's finest.
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
Randomize
