Please don't call me names while I'm carrying your child.
I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
i don't think my family understands the severity of a twenty first birthday.
I'm pretty sure whiskey overrules bulimia in the eyes of Texas boys
At least my fat-chick-ratio has not been that bad this semester ...
I was trying to be an adult about it and simply deal with the situation, but a bowl seemed much more comforting.
And then he told me he was too tired for me to suck his dick. Physically and mentally too tired for me to suck his dick. What the fuck?
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
He yelled "Go Ducks" while he came
And here I thought that was one nut sack too many
Broke my ankle and blacked out on my scooter last night. 'Twas grand.
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
Randomize
