Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
Unmistakable female orgasm noises coming from upstairs shower
She must've brought a toy -- seriously doubt that he's up to the task
there are so many fish in the see you have left to fuck
If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
Not a single person will look me in the eye. Last night must've been bad.
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
I just wanted to let u know that I called the taco people and informed them what the fuck is up.
Come now. I'm bloody but I'll give you the best fuck of your life.
Drowning in science and also vodka. Hope you're having fun.
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
Painting strippers breast and vaginas to look like easter eggs. What r u doing tonight.
I need to get all the one night tinders in my system before I move back in with my parents
I just want you to make me second guess my worth as a human. Is that too much to ask?
I wish there were more things in this world as wonderful as string cheese
Surriously
Randomize
