i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
Let's face it. We both have sexy parts. Why not have them touch?!
Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
I'm not sure if you saw my recent facebook update, but I have already put the Radio Flyer wagon to good use. I had someone pull me to the nearest bar.
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It was honestly the most delicious alcohol I've ever drank, plus the added risk of going blind from methanol poisoning really enhanced the experience.
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
What people don't tell you about near death experiences is they give you a full on chub
I told him about the time I blacked out and shit myself and he still wanted to have sex with me that night. Feeling pretty optimistic about where this fling is going.
But I got head on a boat yesterday which was sweet until a bald eagle flew over. Then it became life affirming.
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They are like untrained puppies reaking havoc on a newly furnished house. Out of control.
You just compared our vaginas to a newly furnished house...I can dig it.
I can't remember what I did last night, but judging from the state of my hair I had a pretty good time.
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
So not only did I get laid today but I also left with a 42” tv lol
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
U dont jog and buy condoms n bulk
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