All drunkenness aside, confirm u are alive
so...dinner was kid's cuisine and a bottle of wine. i think they go well together.
So I was watching the View and they were saying oral sex is the new goodnight kiss
So when are we having a sleepover?
96 perecent sure i just took a shower with socks
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
maybe next time you shouldn't be drinking alone watching intervention at 3 am and no one would think you needed an intervention.
So you plan on doing double washing machine sex? Like. A double date. But with sex. On a washing machine..?
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
We smoked a blunt in a stall where a drag queen was fucking a bartender in the ass. So theres gonna be a second date :)
I am sorry. I am also on acid.
Having sex with my girlfriend wearing my old Tom Brady jersey on the day he's freed is the closest I'll come to a 3way with Tom
Got 2 free lines of blow from some random guys on the side of 13th street.....how's your Sunday going?
he took a fucking pitcher of koolaid and vodka to the bath with him... i wake up from my blackout to his roomate screaming cause he spilled it and passed out in the middle of a blood red tub. she thought he killed himself. jesus christ its only the first day of break and i already regret coming home
we started drinking at 4pm, somehows its 1 am im in bathing suit running from the cops.....any explanation of what happened?
to be fair i didnt know she wanted to sleep with me
WHY THE FUCK ELSE WOULD SHE DRAG A STRAIGT MAN INTO A VICTORIA'S SECRET CHANGEROOM GODDAMMIT
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