stalking is really helping my grade.. I followed him to a review session tonight
It says i should accept HIV aids as my friend on facebook.We have 12 friends in common. I need new friends.
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
Is it bad that my only regret is fucking on the bathroom floor and not the sink?
Alright, my brain isn't sure how to properly function on a Wednesday with no hangover and more than 3 hours of sleep.
I told him he was, quote: "A big cuddly bear" and he needed to get into my bed or I would set his Golden Retriever free.
I'm a male taking pregnancy tests with every girl at the party. i have no regrets
I feel like I should go door-to-door apologizing to America.
It has moved into the cliche "thin line between love and hate" real quick. With her. Not Taco Bell.
She dresses like Bruce Banner and fucks like the Hulk. She is all of my lesbian fantasies come true.
See if shell let you call her dr banner in bed
I just stole a bunch of balloons from a birthday party and am giving one to each person at the bar.
Shaving your balls drunk sounds like a good idea untill you do it
Those people that talk about exercise endorphins have never experienced a 9x13 pan of mac n cheese endorphins
He woke up wondering who broke in and rearranged all the furniture. He reviewed 11 hours of security footage before I told him he did it while whiskey-drunk.
I'm studying. I have a really exciting life lol
It's hard to say that sarcastically after having sex in a movie theater
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