I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
she just sneezed while going down on me. is it rude for me to ask her to do it again?
so for future reference,at what point did you feel like a line had been crossed?
Haha I wonder if my burp offended him. So I gave him a fist pump to signify how friendly I am
It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
She asked if you knew her boyfriend, and you responded that you "think you gave him head once" and then hiccupped.
she let a homeless guy feel her up so she could go for a ride in his shopping cart
Apparently suggesting that she was the kind of girl who might be expected to kill someone's pets hurt her feelings...
I seriously just caught my Pina colada from falling of a table perfectly facing up. I will now reward myself by finishing this one and then getting my 8th
I have no idea what those words in that order meant, but if you go to Florida send me pics of strippers
I went to work hungover and threw up in the break room. Told them I was pregnant and then said I quit. I don't have a job now, thanks vodka.
There's a Japanese guy here dressed as a Viking who just screamed "wats up cocksluts" and kicked a guy in the face. come get me out of here.
I can't believe I watched you put a tampon in in the parking garage
I accidentally gave my prayer card to the bouncer. Clearly a cry for help #saveme
Honestly cannot tell if I’m magical or really, really high.
Randomize
