Down for casual relationships, more fun than catholic missionary, bring condoms and don't get attached.
Her parents hate her and she's on like major lockdown. All her friends are in jail and she has massive pit stains. Dude... It doesn't get much worse than that.
Her vagina smelled like chicken
why do you say that
chicken smells like everything
if you want blown tonight you're gonna have to take me up on that offer now. in less then 45 minutes you're gonna be blacked out and i'm not doing something i'm not getting credit for in the morning.
Currently separating the burrito I just stuffed in my purse from the weed in my half smoken bowl that was already in it. My what the fuck moment beats yours.
I'd like to thank you fucktards for dumping the WHOLE box of Tricuits in my bed after I passed out.
Peanut butter balls.
IF YOU EVEN COME NEAR MY BALLS AGAIN I SWEAR TO GOD
why am i naked
you took off your clothes at the party and some guy took them home
I am thinking about buying a decorative chest for all our sex stuff....
Might be using my graduation money to pay for an abortion.
Just an FYI i'm going to get drunk as shit while you are on duty and attempt to not fall into the bathtub again.
Rodger that.
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
and you fell through a lawn chair
My moral compass kept pointing to his penis.
Your cat ate my taco.
. . . I don't have a cat?
It was laying in your bed. Now it's hunting for more tacos.
Randomize
