so the car was packed with everything from my dorm, plus my mom. during the 6 hour trip home she found my kama sutra. started flippin through it.....
oh shit that had to have been awkward
i thought so too. until she asked what the check marks were for
There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
I just asked my hair stylist how many percocets she'd do my hair for.
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
She even gives head with a lisp.
Can you explain to me the broken disco ball in my front yard?
he does have a point though, watching you drink makes me never want to drink again
Oh you know, watching its always sunny and petting his cat and NOT fucking. I'm starting my whorefree 2012 resolution early.
If youre wondering about the smell, i set your hamster on fire. But don't worry he's ok
The only way I can describe this shit is male aloe vera plant in both looks and feel its standing in the toilet
Thanks for that....my girlfriend picked up my phone and saw that
I just used an Amazon gift card from a student to order a new vibrator....teacher of the year
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
I wet willied a stranger last night didn’t I?
MANIFESTATION IS REAL AND IM GETTING LAID TONIGHT
Randomize
