Heard at work: Get out of my face before I cuntpunch you so hard your granddaughters have miscarriages. I love my job.
I'm moving there. Get me hired.
Michael Bay is the white Tyler Perry.
um, yes. it's my birthday, of course there will be acid.
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
For the first time ever I'll be using my lunch break to pass out cold on my desk. We've gotta stop having these late night drinking things on Sundays
Jameson and I invented street rugby last night. Yeah
We found him wrapped up in a giant table umbrella in the bathroom.
He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
you were telling us about the time you had sex in an alley and he stopped, looked up and said 'it was a cul-de-sac' and went right back to what he was doing.
I got another blow job proposal last night. Skills.
I'll just tell you, some how when we were having sex on Friday my collarbone got fractured.
Nothing says I love you like a silicone dragon dick
It was just a matte of pubes and mustard.
Sexual side note: sushi and cum do not mix well. That is all.
dont know what thebfuxk is in rhat shit, but dont lemme have antmore
Randomize
