We tried having a conversation with our noses.
never thought i'd see a ''climb of shame'' until she came down from the attic in front of the whole party..
I went outside for a smoke at 4 and things seemed normal. It's 6 now and the front lawn is COVERED in tortilla chips. WTF?
it's pretty bad when you go in bed bath and beyond and recognize 6 different bed spreads you've had sex on
he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.
this islike a room full of reasons why i should be in prison
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
It's almost like he dry humped the last remaining bit of good person out of me.
we found you in the kitchen at five am trying to make a vodka omelette. you said you didn't want to live in a world where your two favourite things couldn't be together.
Is this one of those "if you didnt give such good head we couldn't be friends" moments?
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
Do I go to spinning class and try to redeem myself from going drunk, or do I wait a week and hope they forget I fell of the bike?
I feel like I have a very capable uterus.
I don't know about this Sanders guy after all. I'm voting for MYSTERY BABYLON, WHORE OF ALL THE EARTH
Hillary?
Tonights mission: get trashed, smoke a bowl on top of the silo, get some dick. Not necessarily in that order.
Randomize
