You owe me 10 bucks. He wasnt in jail. Found him at 530 this morning when the smoke alarm went off. He passed out naked in the middle of cooking bacon. No idea where he was before that.
i may or may not be dressed up as my farmville farmer. gonna harvest some ladiesss tonight!!!
Just had to have the guy at Sprint clear the dried cum out of the trackball on my Blackberry. Wonder if that happens to him often.
I didn't think it was possible, but that girl next door is even louder when drunk.
He's dressed as a power ranger handing out cocaine
I made out with a guy because he was sitting on my coat...
She is wasted and this random lady got her to suckle milk from her tit
so when our kids ask "when did you know you loved mommy?" you're gonna say "when she sent me emoticons about slobbing on my knob?"
This means I've slept with 2 ppl that live in vans...my life is complete
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
Enough talk of my burning loins. How is your day?
There is a guy down by the river wearing a zebra print speedo and a sombrero, with a beer in each hand, screaming "This is America bitches!"
Explain to me again why I'm doing the walk of shame if we fucked at my house?
you should probably call the Bronx Zoo in the morning to formally apologize
its the right thing to do
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