he pointed at my clit and asked with a confused face, 'whats this thingy??"
Everyone needs a good pregnancy scare in their life.
I got fingered by sexual harassment panda last night, by a van, I can't remember if he took off his furry panda hands...
While my grandpa showed the family a slide show he accidentally included a topless photo of his new gf.
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Not even the dog will look at me anymore.
Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
I feel like strippers are like dogs, the more you show you're terrified the faster they come at you.
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
Please come back. She just stuck her bloody band-aid to Zach's face, has a fire extinguisher, and is talking about tornados hiding.
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A beef tasting is not what I needed while hungover
The cop left me alone after I gave her my spare snow cone. It was a hot and humid day and that uniform looked stuffy. Yay stoner me for overindulging in icy treats.
The whole bar erupted and in happiness and confusion as I went on about pancakes.
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
why the hell did we go to a rave last night?
we didn't?
definitely went to a bar with strobe lights
JENNIFER. You passed out in a toilet with a color changing light in it.
While she was pissing on the neighbors shrubs, they threatened to call the cops...she mumbled 'don't threaten me with a good time", so to answer your question, yes she was drunk.
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