I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
he wont speak to me right now because i told him it must suck knowing he'll never be as good as edward cullen..idiot.
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
He just turned 21, it's very obvious the end of their relationship is near. Now we play the waiting game.
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
Maybe your new years resolution should be not to fuck in Sears bathroom anymore.
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
I cannot believe he got soft mid fuck. I just hope he bought that horrible impression you did of my dad. I love you though, you came in clutch tonight.
It was the least I could do after throwing up in your purse.
What about.....a game of twister and....wait..nevermind. I've hit my cap for sexualizing things today.
I doubt she'll sponsor it. You know alcohol and fireworks don't mix, right?
It's okay. We're not going to soak the fireworks in alcohol. The alcohol is for drinking.
I finally had to say "that's the hole where I pee" for him to understand.
If I walk downstairs and Kelly is fucking in the laundry room again I'm gonna die
I give out orgasms like candy and ride a motorcycle...how is that not appealing
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
Randomize
