My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
fine. I googled it. you have to eat 5 to die so apparently I'm in the clear.
I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already
just so you know, you can get through airport security with handcuffs no questions asked
Half my face is frozen, my vagina is broken, I'm wearing only gym shorts eating a plate of mashed potatoes, avatar is on my tv. There's a naked guy on my couch whose name idk. I needa talk to you asap
Pretty sure the girl next to me in Chipotle just came out to her mom.
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
I'm basically a mama hen. I keep them warm and let them wonder around the house. not to mention, I keep eye on them just in case the falcons around the house try to snatch them away.
I don't even know what to say right now
I'm unsure as to how you were able to snapchat me with your hands duck taped to beer, but I appreciated it nonetheless.
I'm getting better, this year I only showed up drunk to 1 final.
As soon as he came we went to Dairy Queen. That drive through lady was very condescending about our "just fucked" ice cream.
Tell me how you feel about belly buttons
You missed the winter stoner olympics last night....I got the gold in blunt rolling
Munching saltines, sippin Gatorade, and trying not to get eaten by this small horse
I accidentally made jungle juice last night.
Randomize
