Yes but life is bad with poopy sheets
kerrys trying to convince everyone in the bar shes a lesbian. cheers to not being the drunkest girl in the room. i probably wont piss myself tonight.
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
I'm a 23 year old virgin. I've masturbated in ways you can't even imagine.
I apologize for forcing you to look at my boob when we were high. It was uncalled for
I am particularly sorry about getting dome in your backseat. And for thinking you wouldn't notice.
#1 lesson to be learned from mardi gras this year: lock your car doors or some grimy dude like me might just bang in it and use your backseat as a kleenex
ttyl tear gas
I'm blaming hurricane Irene if I get pregnant tonight.
I just almost caught my floor on fire, then decided I could put it out with my knuckles! So I'm doing good!
Deciding whether to take my sex toys home for Christmas will be the biggest decision I make this holiday season
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
Okay, let's just all take a step back and think about how funny this will seem in like a year... Maybe 2 if his nose is actually broken.
I gotta do like a month's worth of catch-up personal hygiene today in prep for Christmas so extended family doesn't ask if I'm depressed.
He answered the door stark naked. When I called him on it he shrugged and said 'casual Friday ' Some boys can't be trusted to work from home.
Randomize
