i feel like an archaelogyst. im pulling apart last weeks brownies to find the weed in them
so how was last night?
got high and had our usual talk about the definition of cole slaw. then tried to call the ramen noodle company and convince them why my face should be on thier packages.
you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
My lips are red and swollen. Solid proof that giving head is a viable alternative to lipstick and plumper.
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
And I can taste the vodka through my ears. Good god.
By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
I need to shower, but I have no shower curtain... I think I can get by with a whore bath and a hat for one more day.
Febreezed myself at a stop light on the way to the IRS office. Judgmental glare from some old lady in the car next to me, thumbs up from her husband.
Just so you know the unusual amount of skittles on your floor is entirely your own fault. You bought me 20 bags of them while I was high.
I told him to send me a dick snap for my birthday. To personalize it, he drew a candle coming out of the tip of it so I could blow it out.
I feel like the first time i have to use my accident insurance its going to be in some sex mishap with you.
Hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking you had a pulse
I was in line at Panera when I got the pic you sent to your coworker. I just showed your vag to a soccer mom. The vibrator was a nice touch.
You turned down sex for fried cheese??
My penis and doctor won't be happy with me, but come on. Fried cheese!
Randomize
