i literally would have sex with every single person on this girls wall, but not her
who loves string cheese????? I LOVE STRING CHEESE!!!
you know...if you didn't give such great head little things like this would ruin our friends with benefits relationship.
his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
Yeah Greg found him eating out of a tuna can with a pill cap
Ya. I wonder how much being a beard for a major league baseball player pays. This could be a lucrative arrangement...
My phone broke again .... im not really sure how im going 2 explain the teeth marks to the ppl at the Verizon store
I met her daughter,who I went to high school with on my way out this morning. She didn't seem to surprised. I love older women.
He got me a cake that said " Congratulations on the dick "
Ehhh, contemplating pain killers and fruit snacks if that's any indication.
I'm smoking a bowl in my bathtub. I'm meant to be alone.
Were you citizens arresting people again last night?
FYI telling a guy that you're glad his dick isn't big after giving him a bj, is NOT a compliment.
Grandma keeps pulling a bottle of captain from her pocket and spiking people's drinks.. She just yelled "I'm DAMN HOT to be a grandma!" .. I LOVE HER.
my roommates gone so i can take codeine and sleep naked
Randomize
