i can't believe i never thought of this: farticle man
i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i hope when i become a housewife i'm more of a gretchen and less of a vicky
Was having a panic attack, but I'm out of xanax. Substituting with vodka shots and breathing exercises. My therapist will be proud, yes?
There was a pirates of the caribbean marathon on. No matter how much you like rum, it is NOT possible to outdrink the pirates. They always win.
Not every day do you see a hooker getting arrested at noon. Just kidding, we live in Reno.
Someone put pennies in the toilet. This isn't a fucking wishing well
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ran into a tinder match at the bar last night. We spotted each other and started making out without speaking any words to each other. Fuck yea technology!
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
I'm slacking. We've been hooking up for months and I have yet to bang him while he's wearing the clown mask.
How do I tell this guy that if he does not like the condoms at my apartment, he should bring his own without sounding like a sure thing?
Say it's BYOC night at the beach. And, you are a sure thing. Own it.
The guy whose house were at is drunkenly reading green eggs and ham to us in German
YOU WILL GIVE ME MASHED POTATOES OR I WILL RIP YOUR SOUL INTO 7 PIECES AND YOU WILL TURN INTO LORD VOLDEMORT
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