Dude apparently i ran into the middle of a half marathon last night and some how won
Oh btw, that was a wonderful blow job. You did a good job.
hi sober isdnt real. this is a mass rtoomate taext i thing. bye
AMAZING.
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
Pretty sure that I got the MVP of wedding reception... woke up on the bench in the hallway of a hotel and we did NOT start the night there.
Would you feed me pudding while my fake tan dries?
That was nice of you. Thank you for respecting the fact that I got cockblocked by a sophomore last night.
There are 27 signatures on my ass. What the hell happened last night?
Every time someone made a cup you congratulated them by letting them sign your ass.
I blacked in at 6:30am on the last stop on the train with a random fedora on? And I'm pretty sure I rode in a limo last night while eating pizza
No one ever gets any after sleeping with her. She is like the broken mirror of hookups, enjoy 7 years of blue ball. Don't say I didn't warn you
Had to immediately delete the Bevmo email because I can't even look at an email about alcohol right now.
I am not working on the very first day I can throw up alcohol that I legally bought and drank.
If a treadmill opens up I'll run next to him and then fall off so he has to give me mouth to mouth
All I know for sure is, I went to bed drunk and I woke up in a relationship..I think I need to reevaluate my drinking skills.
Heels with jeans turned Casual Friday into Casual Sex With My Boss Friday
Randomize
