I accidentally burped into my bong.
it was like having sex with a tree stump
Its like fucking yourself in the head with a weed strapon
I walked in on her just letting her nose bleed into her friend's hands
It was a cry at the bar alone type of night, served with a side of passing out facedown in my nachos.
I met this girl the other day and found out her boyfriend is a helicopter pilot. How the fuck do you compete with that.
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
I love you so must. You as do fraty. You are truly my veste breakable (ties I wtf racket Andover). Luce you. Have a safe drive bio dough failover.
Shotgunning beers to finish a midterm project at 3am is a good idea right?
Part of me really wants this picture, but the other part of me knows if he is really this drunk, he could be sodomizing a lamp and not know it
I just found one of your beard hairs in my oatmeal.
This is the second time you've stolen a pet when you're drunk, given it back and cashed in on a reward...I think you have a problem
Gotta pay my student loans some way
got laid for being an eagle scout again. 4 more and ill have all my merit badges.
we went to go have morning sex and I said “I was gonna put my mouth on it but you need to shower”#ruinedthemoment
Longest 30 seconds of my life
10/10 so not recommended
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