I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
I am not saying a eulogy for your vibrator.
booty call hours are between 1:30-3:00 AM thurs-sat with the exception of major drinking holidays and election days. please try again
I can now tell my grandchildren Central Park has really great spots for quickies...
I drew a giraffe.. But she did say that bumped that test up from a 39 to a 40. It's the little things.
My costume for the end of the world party was a success. Everyone in the ER thought I was there because I got hit by a car when it was actually from alcohol poisoning.
So this tall girl jumped in our cab and I was like hey I have pics of u on my phone. It wasn't creepy at all
Do you know how hard it is to was the scent of sex from your hair in a gas station bathroom?!
You don't know how skeptical I was about letting a guy with braces go down on me
Are you serious?! She sent a pizza instead of showing up?!
She did indeed. Papa Johns. It helped because I was super hangry. That bitch is smart!
My party ended early and I have a mountain of shrimp and weed
Yeah, but i got vodka and bacon out of it, so it's fine.
Change of plans & whoring it up tonight
Did you really kidnap my goldfish last night?
Randomize
