Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people
girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
Just crushed a xanax into my chewing gum. Its gonna be a long, fucking up flight...
Our whole friendship has just been time foreshadowing my dick in your mouth.
Mom just posted ur drunk pix from Cancun in the newly made "My not-so-fantastic son" album. Thought you should know.
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
We had sex in the bathroom. Good sex. Toilet breaking sex.
You decided that walking wasn't in the cards for you anymore
My liver and my bank account can't afford another all nighter. Help.
Right now I'm drinking out of a gallon water jug & eating a baconator. If you're feeling down, just remember you could be me.
His birthday is on Valentines Day, of course he's getting a blowjob
After the bar we stopped to Meijer where I found myself singing little mermaid while rubbing a pack of hotdogs on my face..
But I only have 2 emotions angry and horny
FYI there's a girl here with happy daddy written on her tits
Just got high with dad
Correction: more high. He's sharing gummy bears with me.
Randomize
