I told him he can't put it there till we're exclusive. That's totally The Relationship Hole.
when I forget a girls name in bed I ask her her middle name then tell her i'm gonna call her that from now on
getting caught by my parents in bed with another guy was way easier coming out than telling them over dinner like I had planned.
his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
I meant to thank you again for giving up a potential interracial threesome to come to my party. I'm glad you stayed!
there's fuck elsewhere to go, I'll be there with 8 lbs of bronzer on my tits
Also I just took the BEST ass selfie of my adult life.... it's gonna be a good day haha
Someone keeps hanging up bible verse posters in the bathroom stall I masturbate in at work.
Full body rubs, head scratches, foot rubs, massages, a penis that is able to get hard whenever you want it. I mean ive got a lot to offer
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
my very deepest apologies for the unintentional cock block.
Taking a walk while tripping face during Halloween time was a bad idea. I started crying bc I was so scared and hide in the parks playground.
Trying to decide if I'm relieved or disappointed that I didn't receive any fuck boi calls on nye
Randomize
