I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
I want to poop on a bird, just to show them what it's like.
i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
Is it bad that I had sex with another guy on my boyfriend's bed while he's out of town?
Just flip the mattress, it erases all
Done and done
He woke up screaming about pickles. I think it's gonna be a good day.
I forgot my id and a man called soup is buying me vodka.
holy shit thats the most artistic dick pic ever
I think a kid would responsible me up
SIMBAAAA REMEBER WHO YOU ARE
I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
She walks around topless and loves making sandwiches. That's how a one-night stand turned intoa relationship
These girls just walked into this party as reverse cowgirls... Wearing cowboy clothes all backwards
i knew it was love when she pulled a beer out from between her boobs and offered it to me
She's takin more dicks this month than I have in my life by the sounds of it
Randomize
