I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
This frat boy drinking a forty and wearing a pussy patrol shirt just ran out in front of my car. I should have used less brakes.
Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
i wish we had morning classes together so we can spike our coffee.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he thinks im joking when i say don't visit. i mean it's summer...he was the college fuck and now it's time for the summer fuck
whenever he goes down on me he looks at me and I just want to poke him in the eyes
we traced the origins of this shit fest of a relationship back to a single instance of road head. then we did a reinacment
nothing worse than walking out of class after 3 hours and having covered exactly zero information
walking out with herpes. that would be worse
You keep saying things....but all I'm hearing is kegs
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I forgot if I was chewing my gum or my tongue
What the fuck could you be doing in that room to make her yell "Beginners Luck!" over and over again?
I'm not driving across town for three thrusts and an excuse
Don't you judge us. Sockets make ideal bowls
Hey, you can never be fully sure you're straight until you jerk off to gay porn
I made it out of the house. Success.
It's not better out here. I'm at Target hyperventilating in the aisles.
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