Remember when I was so high that I thought my appendix burst? All I had to do was fart man, just fart.
i remember introducing him to all my posters and making him be extra nice to frank sinatra and bob dylan before he fucked me
currently shading my boobs to make it look like i have mass cleavage...thanks art school
I cant believe you went home with her.. Your poor immune system and the shit you put it through.
The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
Just ate a whole pizza by myself. Wearing my indian headdress again. its really cool with the french braids. I look like fucking pocahontas or some shit.
You've never even broken a bone. You singlehandedly disprove natural selection
I have a gyno appt today. I hate it when the Army gets involved with my vagina.
Waiting to interview and found a beer in my purse from last night
I'm literally taking a shit naked holding a bottle of wine.
I don't really want to talk about it, but if anyone finds my unicorn mask with my bra in it, I would really like that back.
tbh i just wanted to fuck a guy with forearm tattoos but then he was so FORWARD about it
The night's not a success unless at least 60% of participants wake up with bite marks on their genitals the next morning.
I don't know what kind of parties you go to, but we should hang out more often.
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
Accidentally made a bowl of macaroni and cheese with a bottle of vodka. It's not that bad
Randomize
