I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
I'm playing musical beds - it's not very fun
I think the fact that my first kiss is now in a porno says a lot about why my life is the way it is
ill do whatever it takes for me to get more high and eat pie
This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
And after that you guys started calling arbor mist "breakfast juice"
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
We play this game where we catch up on what we missed over five years of not talking to eachother, then we have sex like nothing ever happened.
The first thing we did this morning was see if we could see her barf in the prking lot from the roof. We could. It was in 5 spaces.
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
NO I WILL NOT SET YOU UP WITH MY TWIN WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?!? JUST BECAUSE I WONT BLOW YOU DOESNT MEAN YOU CAN STALK HER AS A BACKUP PLAN YOU SPANISH BASTARD
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
Next time we do shrooms i am finding an open field at sunrise and running through it and nobody is stopping me this time!
Randomize
