so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
I must say, I don't like the act of throwing up, but the feeling after is quite delightful
He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
Oh, and that ugly chick transformed into a veritable goddess when she came back at 3AM with a handle of vodka and 100 chicken wings
It got messy; I did a shot of seamonkeys.
How does one chug a beer and swing the bottle at someone in a single motion? This guys a beer ninja man
Come get me...we were walking home and she kept yelling "people need to get run over more!" then she just sat down in the middle of the street saying "it just feels right."
Maybe it's because I walked straight up to that shelf of vodka with a look of determination that said "I mean business".
I usually have to have a cart! If that doesn't say "I mean business" then I don't know what does
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
Did I let your boyfriend smear a banana into my face last night? Because I have pictures that are telling me I did....
I tried to help you up but you said "let me dance it off"
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
Probably shouldn't be looking at memes at my grandmother's funeral
You ran up to my room. I was naked. You refused to leave without drugs. I love you.
Randomize
