he was so high, he talked to my goldfish for an hour telling him the dangers of overfeeding.
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
WHERE ARE MY FUCKING EYEBROWS?!
There is a contact in my phone named "Bar Mcntysu." this is why we need a third person to go out with us.
If she makes a move, pretend to have a seizure.
Does hooking up with the gay pledge count as hazing?
He tried to use a signal flare to light the bong
And?
He melted the stem
Just made nicotine water. Ithink i'm having a heart attack.
I just heard a 350 lb guy with a stutter describe getting blood in his eye as he was shanking his cellmate and, more generally, how to survive as a white guy in jail.\n\nYou should really consider going to some AA meetings
The hot tub didn't work. But it's okay because we discovered just how many people you can fit in a bathtub.
Last night I woke up and the national rep of his frat was sucking my toe.
Is it bad that I'm using the photo I took for my fake ID as my linkedin profile pic?
Good god, my descendants are going to be fucked.
Woke up with a girls naked next to me I had her thong on somehow.
You're moving up the public shitting ladder
Randomize
