It has come to my attention that I should apologize for myself and my friends
mmm whisky
reminds me of losing my job
We couldn't even have sex we were both laughing so hard. I don't know how I feel about the quality of that weed.
I need to have sex with you on our hotel room window ledge... This is a need not a request.
Nah nah nah the rules are different on st patty day, drink beer or die. It's like the hunger games but blurrier
When asked if they had been introduced, Damo said "No but I know we've pretty much fucked all the same girls in town"
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
I'm like an air traffic controller of women. It's a very similar job. Well spaced and gentle landings are good. When they meet, it's bad. Explosions bad. Dying screaming burning children bad.
On a completely different note: my hookup and i are now in a semester GPA competition. Winner gets froyo and sexual favors. School just got interesting.....
She picked me up from the bar in her underwear.
I'm honestly wondering if my vagina did something to offend the universe
Pennsylvania now holds the distinct honor of being the third state I've crapped my pants in.
Those people that talk about exercise endorphins have never experienced a 9x13 pan of mac n cheese endorphins
I've finally become one of those chicks with a taco in her purse.
I'd kiss your neck and collarbone and then run my tongue up your neck to just behind your ear
And then lightly kick the curve inside your ear
Randomize
