Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
On the bright side, I hit her with the door on the way in
It was going well until he told me about the 7k he made in college to be in a gay porn
you shall refer to me as my indian name from now on...running with dumb cunts
Just checked my voicemails on the work phone on speaker. Thank you so much for the one of you screaming "COME FUCK ME NOWWWW!" my boss loved it ..
Yes she was blowing me but I couldnt see her face. The only light was from the sparklers she asked me to hold. I love 4th of July.
Can I chase this vodka with an onion?
We were having margaritas and I was saying "back when I was drinking..." They looked all confused. Then I realized "holy shit they think THIS is drinking?"
We were getting breakfast he shit himself in the middle of ihop. Mid bite he just yells out o fuck.
He just said "I know you want my cock" and I said nah. I want food bro
It's hard picking what to wear when you know the plan is sex. Like can't I just wear my robe let's just simplify this.
A stripper set a mans ass on fire... the club smelled like burning ass and boxers.
No. It's going to be "I'm mad that it took you so long to get over here" angry sex.
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
Randomize
