Spotted: jayne dropping her cigarettes in a puddle...then picking them back up and putting them in her pocket. If i ever get that desperate, stop talking to me
It's just like soggy cereal, but cancerous
Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
I just found three unopened cans of PBR behind our futon that I think I was saving for winter.
I making dinner, so you might want to actually come home tonight.
oh, you finally did the dishes then?
No, bought new ones.
it was like having sex with a tree stump
just got the results back. i love his dick even more now i know its clean
But I feel like studying my flashcards during a blowjob would be rude...
Quesedillas should not make me weep and drinking water should not make me feel like god is giving me mouth to mouth. Never again.
Found half of a five day old piece of pizza behind my dresser. Apparently it was drunkenly set there and got knocked down. It was such a happy reminder of last weekend.
I found a cheeseburger next to my tub once. It's there to shame you, but it always just makes me feel more awesome.
he fucked me with his goalie mask on. it was like sleeping with Darth Vader
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
If it was any colder outside, the frost from my breath would make a mixed drink
fell down stairs ended up in underground bar now im dancing with trannies and best night of my life. lines of coke
I totally have a huge crush on him though which is fucking up my "classy she-demon with limited feelings" vibe
We are no longer allowed to make spur of the moment decisions about our love lives
ABSOLUTELY NOT
Randomize
