So now everyone thinks I don't know what a condom is
barbara walters just said penis...
I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.
I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
I may be a little fuzzy on this, but I think at some point I said something about being a generous lover.
I was puzzled last night that there were shots waiting for us when we got there. Just read my messages and saw you were ordering from the bar via texts.
You had salsa out and brought a banana on a plate to bed
thanks for the 52 voicemails of you and crystal reciting the pleg of allegance
You said that when your ex gave you a blowjob her mouth was like velvet
And everyone was looking at me because it was cold and I was drunk and may have screamed "oh fuck" ... You know what, fuck that. What do people think they're getting at Denny's 2 in the morning
Today is my 3 year wedding anniversary...and I've seen three different dicks.
I think people are normalizing furries
Randomize
