We're like a lot better than the average bears
still drunk. talking shit to the doc drawing my blood. this has no upside
I hope so. I just start to question my lifestyle when i pee on coffee tables
I'm chugging Gatorade because i drank something called a trashcan and someone named Gianna diamond has my credit card number, and I think I might have ruined my life.
I might lose an organ but I've got booze. I'll be fine.
If it's not soft enough to fuck on, then we're not getting the new rug.
It was so weird. She left to go to the bathroom and her older sister leaned towards me with a creepy smile and said, "You don't deserve her" and then continued to stare at me with a crazy expression for the rest of the evening.
That's kinky shit dude.
I get hit on by the prison guards every time i go to see him. Seriously.
Is there a reason there's a dick print on my seventh-story window?
Went home last night with a guy in a tutu, didn't know he was wearing a tutu until he threw it at me in the bedroom. God I love Halloween.
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
You kept screaming, "Fuck her right in the personality" and then kissed a guy and slapped him across the face
It's a mix of hot dirty sex and week old bong water
If I don't answer right away it's because I took an Adderall and the fridge needs cleaned.
Randomize
