just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?
Saying you want a bj does not count as saying you wanna see me btw.
"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?
She clogged the toilet and got it out with a seven eleven bag. I tried to tell her no but she was convinced that was the logical thing to do.
i would one night stand the shit outta him
Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.
So hungover. Sitting in class about to puke during this ladys flute performance. Not sure why were having a flute concert in biology
when she first told me she hooked up with him my initial response was to shout "WE HAVE SOMETHING IN COMMON!"
He's coming over, and I hope he doesn't get hungry. I'm sure its not proper protocol to bring one booty call to another booty call's house for the munchies.
I like the odds of his and my children being professional athletes too. To support me in my old age, see I do think about the future.
dude, you were feeling up her boob for 20 minutes in front of the guy she was hitting on because you and her had an argument over who had bigger boobs.
hey man, it was for science okay.
I woke up in a beaver hat and contruction vest.. I need answers.
Randomize
