And then he asked me why the subtitles were in Arabic. The television was off.
Dude how did you get resin on my keyboard?
Yep. How's your hangover?
It's like I fucked its sister and it's getting back at me.
You know you have crossed to the dark side of marriage when a nap is more important than jacking off
You know what it feels like? It feels like I'm in that prison from the dark knight rises. That's what being a virgin in college feels like.
Would it be inappropriate to rub one out in the gym shower? I mean, technically, I pay $80 a month to do what I want so could they really say anything?
Shower is fine. Steam room is shady. I've probably done both at one point in my life so I can't be used as a good reference.
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
You partied and then got cock slapped, Don't tell me you didn't have fun
Listen, if I miss the flight to Vegas because she's still rimming my ass, it will have been worth it.
He put rainforest music on before we had sex I felt like I was in the Amazon
Sexting just isn't as much fun once you learn how bad he is in bed...
we're having rib night followed by a cultural enlightenment party
whats a cultural enlightenment party
we eat nachos and drink margaritas and tequila till we pass out
Just to clear things up, yes you did lick the strippers butt
I just Spray tanned myself while high as fuck its either going to look like a work of art or terrible graffiti
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
Randomize
