Considering the face that your still in jail Im gunna go with no.
guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
we were on a sandy mattress. i was wearing a sweatshirt with a poodle on it and eating a whopper jr. i wouldn't have fucked me either.
First if all, whoever designed penis shaped ice cubes is clearly daring me to shove them up my vagina
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
Leaving your birthday party to engage in a threesome IS allowed. I checked the rule book.
Just to an Octoberfest and a sex party. Nothing wild.
"Functional." Your standards for how you feel after drinking are so high.
When your night starts by chugging margarita and drinking vodka out of tupperware, I feel it's best to stay realistic.
That moment when your fucking in an airport bathroom and forget to lock the door. That poor man...scarred forever...
No judgement. Sometimes you gotta twerk on a legends face.
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
I just put Gatorade in my wine, cause electrolytes, you know.
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
well my apartment and my life are still a disaster but I did clean off my desk so that's gotta count for something...
Randomize
