Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
i'm not going because i feel like it's just gunna be a "this is your life" who i banged this years addition
i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
i am willing to donate my body to this science experiment when it means free blowjobs
I'm still high with raccoon eyeliner eyes and chocolate all over my face and chest, clutching a mug of wine. Happy graduation.
this old dude from the bar is giving me a ride home in a van, his bumper sticker says " don't laugh your kids could be in here" scary world ou here
You started crawling towards a moving train. Maybe you should take it easy next time
It also means I'm watching porn with mario earphones so i can hear. Possibly the best way to mastrabate EVER
I haven't included my nuts in a shave since the Shaq/kobe Lakers era. I gave my self the ol full court press in order to change the tempo.
We were walking to the bar with a group of people and literally made 4 stops in people's lawns garages or random walls for him to eat me out
He couldn't undo my bra. He ended up breaking the clasp he clawed at it so long. We met on Tinder for God sake
I absolutely love waking up to see my phone search history is "xj" "qj" "cj" "uj" and "kj"
She was blowing air into green onions and tying knots in them to make "balloons"
Randomize
