hook me up with the drugs dog keep up the good work
So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
so my aunt is sitting on the couch, eating a brownie and watching the biggest loser saying how it's not that hard to eat healthy
man i love america
Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
and then the entire party sang the national anthem a capella around the keg.
I feel like I need to get a restraining order against him but I'd probably be the one to break it.
He called it restless penis syndrome. I call it cheating.
Vaguely remember? You pushed George and two other fellas out the way to hug me, screamed gandalf before chugging your beer and smashing the bottle on the floor. I lolled.
I want to just live in between your butt cheeks.
I have no clue how you survived last night but I applaud you. 21 body shots off 9 bodies in under four hours has to be a record.
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
Dude, I just feel great. I love life so much and I love you. Love. Love. So much love.
Tonight’s your last chance for a danger free blowjob.
Heard about your divorce. Let me know if I can do anything for you or your penis ;-)
Randomize
