I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
i feel like im playing gay clue. i have to figure out where i am, who took me home, and what he put in me
Don't bite the hand that gives you multiple orgasms
i walked into the first stall,, but there was no paper, so i'm in the other one. a little kid is in the one without paper now and is making a lot of noise. curious how this'll turn out for him.
You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
No talking tonight. Just drinking and puking up memories
I'm a college student and my dad gets more ass than I do..... do you see a problem here?
If you were more comfortable around gay men, then you too could get wasted at the gay dance club and go home with hot girls.
Thank you for deleting me from Instagram. Also, I'm carrying your child. Happy new year!
I'm out of prison. Wanna start a band?
Never thought an ATM max withdrawal could be such a good thing...
Hey, you know that marble art statue thing in your bedroom? Hypothetically what would happen if a penis got stuck in it?
Shes the whorey leader of that wolf pack, and all the less whorey wolves report back to her. She teaches them the ways
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